Today is a special day! One year ago today, my first book, Willow, was released. To celebrate this exciting milestone the Lord has brought me to, here’s the first chapter for you to enjoy!
Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
1. First Chapter of Willow
With a long sigh, Libby threw off the tangled sheet and blanket before pulling herself upright. She looked at her alarm clock again. Yes, ten more minutes had really passed. If she didn’t get up now, she wouldn’t have time to say good morning to Willow before work. This thought propelled her onto her feet, not as quickly as it would have in former days, but still fast enough to make her head and ears fill with a rushing sensation.
Libby stood still a minute to clear her head, then strode to the door of the camper and opened it. Willow was by the steps, ready to poke her nose in the doorway.
“Good morning, Miss Willow,” Libby greeted her four-hooved friend. She stroked Willow’s gray face, then gently pushed the horse’s head aside so she could go down the steps. Willow followed her to the picnic table.
Crossing her arms on the table, Libby leaned her weary head against them. Warm breath on her neck and a rustle through her hair made her smile. She lifted her head and patted Willow’s nose. Glancing at her bare feet, she noticed the discoloration already forming, sighed, and returned to the trailer for her compression socks.
She debated a moment over which pair to put on. Should she go for the cheerful ones with the lemons on a bright blue background that made her happy, or should she grab the dull, tan ones that were tighter and did more good? Based on how she felt, she knew it was a day for all the support she could get, so she reluctantly put on the tan ones.
Libby had just enough time after dressing to eat a granola bar and read two verses in her Bible before walking out the door, feelings of guilt for not reading longer following her.
“You be good now, Willow-Bee, you hear? I’ll be back to you as soon as I can.” She gave Willow one last hug.
Libby enjoyed the silence of the car ride, knowing once the ten-minute trip to work ended, the quiet would as well. She reached the outskirts of the town of Hold Fast all too soon. Stopping outside the Beary Bright Daycare, she took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It was time to face another day of noise, getting pulled in multiple directions, and filling the role of climbing equipment. She glanced at the teddy bear—complete with a bright yellow and red vest—that graced the sign, then opened the door and walked into the slowest eight hours of her day. Gloria was waiting for her just inside the room where the two of them kept the three-year-olds.
“How are you today?”
“Here by being careful,” Libby said lightly. Once, she had made the mistake of starting to tell Gloria how she actually was. She mentioned a couple of her symptoms and never even started on the ache in her heart. Both the expression of obvious disinterest and the way Gloria quickly changed the subject had kept Libby from making that blunder again.
Gloria didn’t have time to say more. Jaxon and Taylor were already squabbling over blocks and needed someone to settle the dispute.
Libby set her purse on a shelf, high above the reach of little fingers. Before she had time to turn around, small arms wrapped around her legs.
“I’s so gwad to see you, Wibby!”
Libby knew before she turned around that the brightest spot in her work day had already found her. She smiled down on the blonde head as a hand reached out for hers.
“Hi, Emma!”
“Wiw you pwease wead me a stowy?” Emma held up her favorite storybook, displaying the picture of a basket of puppies on the front cover.
“Of course, I will, Emmie.” Sinking into the large yellow bean bag, Libby took Emma on her lap. Michael came and leaned against Libby’s shoulder to hear the story. By the time the book was finished, every one of the fifteen three-year-olds was present and accounted for, and most of them were making more than their fair share of noise.
Libby sighed and pulled herself off the bean bag. She stood still for a minute to let her blood catch up with her brain, then went to help Taylor get a coloring book. By lunchtime, Libby’s mind was buzzing.
Her nerves were a little more taut than usual today, and she felt like screaming along with Jaxon when he threw a fit over his carrots touching his chicken nuggets. She couldn’t wait for nap time, but that was even worse. Several of the children were crying because they were tired and didn’t want to rest, and some of them were crawling around the floor instead of lying on their mats.
“Someday, you’ll wish you could have a nap and won’t be able to,” Libby told Michael, leading him back to his mat. Finally, quiet settled over the room, and Libby sank into the bean bag, closing her eyes. Her mind whirled with thoughts she couldn’t form into words because of the cloud pressing down on it. She took a deep breath and relaxed her tense muscles.
All too soon for her, the children’s nap time ended and chaos resumed, only this time it moved outside. Libby enjoyed the times the children were outside because their noise was less amplified.
When closing time drew near, they returned to the playroom. Parents began to stop in, and one by one the little darlings were carried off. Emma was always one of the last to go. She joined Libby on the bean bag to hear the puppy story again.
“Just one mowe time, pwease?” she coaxed.
Libby tweaked her cheek. “Just one more time today, don’t you mean?” She really didn’t mind reading the story again. Reading books to the little ones was one of her favorite things—especially since it kept some of them quieter for a few minutes.
Finally, Gloria and Libby were the only ones left.
“Well, had a good day?” Gloria put the last few toys in their baskets.
“It’s good now.” Libby grabbed her purse. “My favorite time of day is here.”
“Well, see you Monday then.”
“Bye!” Libby left the playroom without a backward glance. On her way out of town, she drove past the park. Yes, she could see Abby sitting at the bottom of the slide. Gabby came down with a swish right into her twin sister. Amanda was watching the girls from a bench, a baby carrier on the ground beside her. That would be Bryce.
Libby heaved a contented sigh. She could have the house to herself to do her laundry. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see her best friend. But what she wanted now more than anything was quiet time alone. Stopping by the trailer, she picked up her dirty laundry and leather satchel.
Willow came over to say hello and distracted her for several minutes. Libby wrapped her arms around the horse’s warm neck and leaned against her firm, still body. Peace at last. No shoving and whining. No pulling on her and demanding something. Willow just stood there supporting her, asking only for love in return.
But Libby couldn’t stay there forever. She threw the hamper of dirty laundry into the trunk and carefully laid her writing satchel in the passenger’s seat.
Libby’s trailer was parked on Amanda’s and her family’s property. She rented a little piece of ground from them and paid for her utilities, and they kindly let her come over to their house whenever she needed to do laundry or simply wanted to come.
Approaching the door, Libby selected the house key on her key ring, quickly let herself in, and put a load in the washer. Propping up her feet in the living room recliner, she opened her writing satchel. She knew exactly what she wanted out of it.
Libby pulled out her mahogany leather journal and gently traced the engraved words on the front cover: My Safe Place. To the peaceful sound of water rushing into the washing machine, she began to write.
Today was hard. I knew it would be. Why do I always have to remember every monthly anniversary? I don’t even want to think about what the one-year anniversary will be like.
Oh, Mama! Why did you have to leave me? It’s been ten months now, and I miss you more each day. I thought time was supposed to help, but it only makes me feel just how long I will have to live without you. It’s time to write some happy things about today before I splatter this page with tears.
Willow breathing a morning greeting down my neck. Emma coming up behind me with a hug. I made it through one more day of work. The house is empty, and I get to wash my clothes and spend time in my safe place. It’s time to put the clothes in the dryer now, so I shall say good evening.
Libby closed the journal and slipped her blue fountain pen into the elastic loop. She had just put the clothes into the dryer and stepped into the kitchen when little feet came pattering toward her.
“Libby! Libby! We got to go to the park!” Gabby pranced around, her brown pigtails flying, tufts of hair trying to pull their way free.
“Good for you, Gabby! Did you have fun, Abby?” Libby turned to Abby, who stood quietly behind her twin sister, smiling at Libby.
“Yes! I got to go down the big slide bunches of times.” Abby beamed.
“Hi, Libby!” Amanda set Bryce’s carrier on the kitchen table, unbuckled him, and handed him to Libby. “You look like you could use some baby snuggles.”
Libby tried to smile, but it was strangled in tears. She hid her face against Bryce’s soft head.
The girls ran to their bedroom to play, and Libby followed her friend into the living room. Amanda took a seat on the couch, and Libby returned to the recliner, still snuggling sleeping Bryce.
They sat quietly together for several minutes before Amanda broke the silence.
“We’re having fried chicken for dinner tonight.”
“That’s nice. I haven’t even thought about what I’ll have.”
“Fried chicken, of course. You don’t expect to sit there and watch us eat do you?”
Libby smiled faintly. “Oh, Amanda, I don’t think I can stay tonight. The laundry will soon be done. Then I’ll just—”
“You’ll just sit there and hold Bryce while I make dinner,” Amanda finished. “Libby, I know it’s the ten-month anniversary. You’re not going to spend it alone in the trailer.”
A tear dripped from Libby’s chin onto Bryce’s head. He continued dozing, unmindful of anything going on around him.
“Thanks, Amanda.” Libby tried to say more, but the words choked in her throat.
Amanda stood. “You can help me by keeping Bryce content. I’m going to fry some chicken.”
Staring at the family gallery wall across the room, Libby’s eyes settled on the wedding picture of Samuel and Amanda. It was surrounded by pictures of their families as well as their own three children. Below it was a picture of herself next to the twins’ first portrait. She knew she was the only person on the wall not actually related to them.
When the twins were born, Amanda had considered naming one of them Libby. Instead, she had gone with Gabriella and Abigail, both names with nicknames similar to Libby. She said that made them her triplets. Libby had laughed at the idea of her friend claiming to be her mom when she was only a year older than Libby. That was before they knew how soon Libby’s actual mom would be gone.
I looked so happy in that picture, Libby thought. That was before. It was before I got sick. It was even before Mama got cancer. I don’t think I’ll ever look that happy again.
Libby enjoyed sitting still in the recliner with Bryce pressed against her. She watched the tiny beads of perspiration that had formed on his nose. The sizzling of grease in the skillet and the aroma of golden fried chicken were also pleasant companions.
During dinner, Libby made few attempts at interaction. Amanda tried to bring her into the conversation, but she enjoyed listening to Samuel and Amanda catch up on their day and the twins prattle about their time at the park. There was so much less noise here than at the daycare, and she could relax and listen to the conversation without the sensory overload.
Libby tried to help with the dishes after dinner, but Amanda insisted it would be more helpful for her to sit and hold Bryce. He was awake now and content, as he was most of the time. Libby knew he didn’t really need to be held, but she gave up arguing with Amanda and sat in a kitchen chair, watching her load the dishwasher. Bryce smiled at Libby twice, and each time it melted her heart and made her drop a kiss on his fuzzy hair.
Amanda closed the dishwasher and started it. “How about we move to the living room now, where you’ll be more comfortable?”
“Thanks, Amanda.” Libby slowly rose. “But I think I’ll just go on home now.”
Amanda came over and laid a hand on Libby’s arm. “Are you sure? You know I would love to have you stay.”
“Of course, I know you’re the best friend a girl could have. Who else but you could put up with me?” Libby ducked her head and swiped a hand across her eyes.
“Libby, it’s not putting up with you. You’re my best friend too, remember?” She paused, then gently added, “And Libby, I’m not the best friend a girl could have. You know Who He is.”
Libby nodded. “I know.” But I don’t think I could ever know Him as my best Friend like you do. I’m just not good or consistent enough.
“I think I just need some time to relax and maybe go to bed early tonight.” Libby laid Bryce in her friend’s arms.
Amanda kissed her son, motherly pride lighting her eyes. Then she gave Libby a tight hug. “You take it easy, girl.”
“I will. I’ll see you again soon.”
“You’d just better! I’ll be looking for you.”
Amanda followed Libby to the front door. Halfway down the sidewalk, Libby turned. Amanda stood just inside the door, the yellow light of the cozy living room illuminating Bryce in her cradled arms.
As soon as she arrived home, Libby snuggled into bed, pulling out her journal again. Below the entry she had made that day, she wrote a short poem with a hand that trembled.
Ten lonely months,
Painfully weary.
Ten awful months,
So bleak and dreary.
2. More About the Book
Loss. Desolation. Heartache. Will she ever discover her Best Friend?
For Libby Sutherland, life is starting to feel like one big loss. Loss of health. Loss of family. Loss of friends. She draws joy from the lives of the children in the daycare where she babysits and the horse therapy ranch where she volunteers.
But when her chronic illness takes a dive, even these are threatened. The one place Libby is able to share her grief is with her arms around the neck of her beloved horse, Willow. When Willow is suddenly out of reach, where can Libby turn?
Will she ever learn to confide in Jesus and truly know Him as her Best Friend?
What Readers Have Had to Say
This is more of a slow-paced, slice-of-life type of story, a good place to rest after high-stakes read. I related to Libby in many places.
~ Katja
This was a precious story! I loved the chronic illness representation and spiritual journey Libby went on. As a chronic illness warrior I related so much to Libby’s story. . . I’d like to say that as someone who has POTS or a similar dysautonomia condition I thought the rep along with all the symptoms and situations were so true to life and well done. You can hear the author’s experiences and heart in this story. ~ Cat
The story was very relatable. Definitely recommend it for those looking for a novel with good Christian themes and encouragement as well as an engaging, real-to-life plot and characters! ~ Sophia
Expect to find yourself caring so, so much about Libby and her story…skeptical for her sake, learning to trust along with her, and riding each hard or joy-filled or even harder twist and turn of life. It’s a book that shines real hope and light into the real, hard, sometimes small-feeling (and sometimes drowning-feeling) struggles and suffering of life. Highly recommend this book. ~ Faith
The horse place Hoof Beats of Hope was one of my favourite parts. “ Hoofbeats of Hope, sharing the love of Jesus with children one ride at a time.” was just such a beautiful description and summary of Hoofbeats of Hope and hooked me into reading more. I won’t give too much a way but I’d you’re a horse lover I’m sure you’ll love it too. ~ Arjaye
3. Get Your Copy
Are you interested in purchasing a copy so you can read the whole story? I’ll let you in on a little secret. This book is going to be part of two Black Friday sales, and the ebook will be available for $0.99. If you’re not on my email list, make sure to join so I can update you when the sale starts! I’ll also send you a printable prayer journal for free.
Let’s Chat!
Did you enjoy the first chapter? Is there a part of the story that you’d like to know more about?
Until next time, have a wonderful day!
In Christ,
Bethany
Love the book trailer! And you know I love Willow. Can hardly wait for book two! Congratulations on the one-year anniversary of kicking off the series!
I’m glad you enjoyed the trailer! Aww, I know, Andrea! Thank you for being such a sweet encourager and so supportive!! It means a lot. And we’re one day closer to book two. 🙂
So true! I love that way of thinking.
And it was a few words closer as well as a day!
That’s fantastic news! Wish I could say the same about my next book, but I haven’t had a chance to work on it today. But I did get a new story idea while brushing my teeth this morning!
Oh, yay for another new story idea!
Yes! And it’s musical for both leads, so I might be begging you to double-check me on details. Haha!
Oh, that’s really neat! I’d love to help with that!
Congratulations on the one-year Willow anniversary, Bethany! I enjoyed the trailer, and I look forward to reading the book.
Thank you so much, Mrs. Cox! I’m glad you enjoyed the trailer. I enjoyed making it!
Aww… I need to learn how to do that, too!
There’s a bit of a learning curve, but I used Canva, and it wasn’t too difficult.
I’ll have to check that out sometime. Thanks!
You’re welcome!
Happy Anniversary to Willow! 🎉 I can’t believe a year has passed already; best wishes with the upcoming books in the series!
Thank you so much, Lily! The year passed so quickly, didn’t it? I’m almost through with the rough draft of book 2, so the series is progressing!
Love hearing this, Bethany! You go, girl!
Thank you, Andrea!!